The psychopath, sociopath, and narcissist tend
to make very good first impressions on others. They are excellent actors
and can fool almost anybody, even trained individuals. However, they have
counterfeit hearts. Underneath their brilliant exterior lies a man
that is self-centered, dishonest, unresponsible, and lacking emotions,
remorse, and a conscience.These men live with a false sense of grandiosity
and specialness and are easily found to be arrogant
and deceitful. Underneath the fake exterior is an empty fraud who
is lacking a human soul.
“Women
know how to fake orgasm. Men know how to
fake an entire relationship.” ~ Sharon
Stone |
Unfortunately, the narcissist is sociopathic
in that they often see themselves as victims, and lack remorse or the ability
to empathize with others. They haven't the ability to see their own negative
actions or the detrimental roles they play in their relationships with others.
The narcissist is a deceptive man and the most common form of his deception
is his own self-deception. He truly believes he is perfectly innocent of
having committed any wrong-doing - ever.
He holds himself completely blameless for any
part in the breakdown of your relationship. Don't hold your breath waiting
for an apology from this man, or even an admittance on his part of being
partially to blame - for anything. He believes he has done
nothing wrong, as he is just so wonderful! (At least, in his on
mind.)
The sociopathic narcissist doesn't care about your problems or your feelings.
He has absolutely no regard or respect for anyone's feelings; he is completely
without empathy and is never above taken advantage of others for his own
personal gain. The narcissistic sociopath is constantly hungry for praise
and he will go on a feeding frenzy for the adoration and admiration he
desperately seeks with every individual he comes in contact with. He is a
legend in his own mind, and deeply living in a fantasy world built on his
own imagined self-importance.
"The [sociopath and] narcissist can neither give nor receive love. He
cannot empathize with the pain and suffering of others. Although he is often
incredibly charming and draws many people into his enchanted circle, the
narcissist is incapable of true intimacy. At the core of his life experience,
the narcissist has emotionally and often financially harmed so many. He has
treated others with cruelty, ruthlessness and indifference too many times.
Ultimately, in the depth of his unconscious, he knows he is an empty fraud"
~Linda Martinez-Lewi Ph.D.
Nothing can be more painful than breaking up
with a sociopathic narcissistic man. He will not take it kindly - not because
he will grieve the loss of you (you mean nothing to this man) but
simply because you will have embarrassed him. And damaging his ego is a totally
unforgivable sin to the narcissist! I'm afraid you're about to become his
next victim, so be aware of his soon-to-come character assassin of you.
(Sociopaths and Narcissistic men [they all hold an actor's award] will say
just about anything about another in order to protect their perfect
'image'.)
| Remember
that a narcissist will never take direct responsibility for anything. He
will blame you, the alignment of the stars, an ancient family curse ... anything.
Mine went as far as to blame a simple rock that a friend brought back to
me from her vacation in Florida as bringing 'evil' into our home. He also
blamed his 'nickname' for his 'bad luck' (after our breakup), saying that
'bad karma' was associated to that nickname and he stopped using it altogether.
Other times (when he was especially evil to me) he claimed he would smell
a 'sweet flowery-like' scent before we would have a fight and that it was
an 'evil force' that was trying to come between us.
But mostly, he just
blamed the children or I for everything he did wrong. And, fixing his wrongs
would have meant that he would have had to admit to actually having them
to begin with, so that concept wasn't even a consideration. Better just to
blame you and move on with his life, than to admit he was flawed and/or wrong
and work on bettering the relationship (or himself). Narcissists will never
acknowledge or deal with the real problem, because the real problem is
them!
|
Whether or not this has happened to you, it
is still a very painful realization
 when
you come to discover that you meant absolutely nothing to someone you loved
very much. The realization that this man never loved you (don't delude
yourself) hurts beyond compare. It is hard to understand that a sociopath
narcissistic man loves only himself, and, if anything, considered you more
a 'love-rival' than a 'lover'.
A SOCIOPATH AND A NARCISSIST HAS A CALLOUS
DISREGARD - FOR YOU
For most of us breaking up with a sociopath
or a narcissist can leave us feeling confused, devastated, and untrusting
of all men in the future.
Usually, when a relationship ends both parties
grieve some, both parties have regrets and both parties have done things
that they feel remorseful for.
But not a narcissist or a antisocial sociopath!
He walks away from you with a cold, callous disregard. He feels
nothing.
| A narcissist
will avoid looking at you - even if you are sitting right in front of him.
This is his way of dismissing and devaluing you. There is nothing about his
actions that are normal, but your mind can't conceive this and so it tries
to understand. However, there is no making sense of the
'senseless'. |
It is especially hard to let go of a relationship
breakdown when you can't find any rhyme or reason to the way it all unfolded.
We think that all people are good people and can't understand how someone
could so easily just dismiss us as if we never existed.
Truth is, you didn't exist to the sociopath
narcissist. He is so totally and completely self-centered to the point of
being the only person in his life - ever. You simply were a temporary ego-boost.
A narcissist supplier (an enforcer and validator of his self-love). His mirror.
You were taken in by his phony charm simply
because you trusted men. And now you are left with doubts, insecurities,
questions, and extreme hurt that one you cared for could so easily 'dismiss
you' and then walk away completely unmoved and untouched by the
experience.
You want him to hurt, too. To show sorrow. To
feel remorse.
So that you can feel important again. Like you
mattered.
But you didn't. And it has nothing to do with
you. He simply is unable to care for anyone other than himself, no matter
whom they are. And deep inside you know that you have just wasted years of
your life on someone who is an empty fraud. It's like you imagined everything;
nothing was real. He was a masterful actor when he was getting his ego fed;
but now that he is not getting his narcissistic supply from you anymore he
simply - and completely - has totally erased you from his life. It is important
to remember that narcissists are 'plotters' and he has been plotting the
destruction of the relationship since the very first moment his charming,
but fake persona met you.
Expect your world to fall apart whereas his
world will remain unscathed - as will his emotions. OOPS, pardon me, I made
a mistake! Make that "his 'lack of' emotions". Sociopathic and Narcissistic
men haven't any empathy for others, and will never take any direct responsibility
for any pain they may have caused. They will never acknowledge their wrongdoings,
or apologize to you, because they truly believe themselves to be perfect.
They project all their faults and flaws onto you,
accusing you of the very things that they, themselves, are
guilty of.
| "In my
relationship I remember him to never EVER say he was sorry (EVER!) - for
anything. I was always the one that would go to him, take responsibility
and apologize. Yet I do remember a time when I did this and he said
'this is the first time you ever said that you were sorry". WTF? I was always
apologizing for stuff that was always his doing - he caused the problems,
or rather his sociopathic narcissism did. Did this man ever apologize to
me? For anything? NO! The sociopathic narcissist will project everything
he does onto you, as to YOU being the one that is doing it onto him. His
abuse of you - in his mind - actually becomes your abuse of him! That's
how twisted this man's mind is." |
In fact, throughout your entire relationship, you probably were lead to believe
that you were the problem when in actuality it was their antisocial personality
disorder or their narcissism that was at fault. You have subconsciously learned
to take his attacks personally, because he is so very good at manipulating
the people around him.
Narcissistic and sociopathic men play on the fact that most of us are
trusting and forgiving, and that we want to believe in
them.
Sociopathic narcissists are all about
their image, and they spend an inordinate amount of time perfecting
their false front, or their 'image'. He's forever aware of his impression
on people, and he knows exactly what 'face' to put on to draw people into
his magical circle of followers - all with the intent to enhance his own
self-exaltation. He is an expert at even fooling himself into thinking he
is larger than life and the more positive the feedback he receives, the more
trapped in his mirror he becomes. He would rather have adoration from complete
strangers than a deep meaningful relationship with a loving partner. His
image is superficial and covers up his complete lack of inner awareness.
He is, quite simply, an expert fake, forever on the search for a true acceptance,
but never daring enough to show his 'real self' for fear of not receiving
it.
The sad thing is, because he feels he is loved
for his fake front, he never truly feels loved for his real self, and this
just further enables and encourages his narcissism.
The sociopath or narcissistic mate displays many typical psychopathic
characteristics. He may have falsely displayed deep emotion toward you (when
he was in your good graces). In reality, he was less concerned with you than
with making himself look good. In the romance department, a narcissist or
a histrionic man has an uncanny ability to gain your trust and affection
quickly, disarming you with his charm and captivating you with his many grandiose
plans. If he cheats on you you'll probably find forgiveness for him - maybe
even blame yourself for his infidelities - but one day when you've had enough,
he'll leave you with nothing but the breath-taking epiphany that your whole
life with him has been a lie. He'll also, most likely, leave you with
an empty pocketbook, too. Of course, by this time he'll already have a new
'sucker' under his wing, and could care less what he has done to you.
Yes, living with, loving and leaving a sociopathic
narcissistic man is an experience unlike any other! You are deeply confused
and weakened by the abuse. He wants you to pay for his inner pain,
and he will do everything in his power to punish you and push you over the
brink. Your mind can't rationalize that these men are not 'normal', and it
tries to make sense of their behavior.
| "I guess
what burned me the most was that most people thought he was great and I was
horrible for hurting poor, poor him...while they were worshipping him I was
left with his chewed-up, spit-out mess. The bills, the kids, the dogs; his
narcissistic fallout.
The real life, the
responsibilities.
The broken car.
The dead water heater.
The clogged drains. The leaking roof.
The bill collectors.
The threatened foreclosures.
He was a free man. Walked
away from it all. I was the responsible party who had to mop off his stage
when he got through with it. His narcissism turned me from a beautifully
spirited and happy woman before I met him into the walking dead afterwards.
MY life was drained
out of me after years of confusion by his backstabbing, abuse, lies, and
lack of caring. I had circles under my eyes. I was hospitalized for shingles.
I had lost 40 lbs and now had legs like a chicken (yep!). My back sagged,
my head ached, my chest hurt, and I sometimes needed beer just to get to
sleep at night, and even then I would wake up after two or three hours worrying
about everything.
I was a mess.
The world was on my
back.
The world was at his
feet.
He walked away from
everything. A true narcissist. Talking himself and charming himself out of
every situation, he never believed that he actually had any responsibilities
at all. Everything was disposable to him once it lost its narcissistic supply
advantages. When he knew his game was up, he so easily convinced himself
that they were all my bills, everything was my doing...I stopped his narcissistic
supply so this is the price I will now pay (narcissists like to 'punish').
I complained to him once about the entire burden he dumped squarely on my
shoulders; he simply said, "Let it go, will ya?" His egotistical narcissistic
mind thought I was pining away for him and not merely exhausted from the
load he dumped on me. Yet this very same man had the audacity to yell at
me when I took him and his vehicle off of my auto insurance coverage plan
12 MONTHS AFTER we broke up. Seriously! No thank you's for
keeping him covered for an entire year … just indignant outrage that
I had finally stopped!"
NOTE: Here's a picture
of the bills EXACTLY as my coward narcissist left them (strategically spread
out) for me on our bed when he ran away - off to be the 'Charming Fake' on
his new ego-driven mission of destruction ...
 |
"Dear
Friend,
Nobody knows better the pain of living with, loving,
and leaving a sociopathic narcissist better than I. I have been there and
I know, first hand, how it feels to be the guiding shadow of this damaged
man. I know about the psychological, verbal, and emotional abuse. I know
about the neglect. I know how it feels to never have had him there for you
- ever.
I know what it is like
to sit there in silence and listen to him talk about himself all day
- and all night. I know what it is like to never, ever be acknowledged or
put
first.
I know what it is like
to have him dislike everything about you - from your perfume to the car
you drive to your very own
friends.
I know what to expect when
breaking up with this man. And I know the damage that can be done to the
woman that loves him and leaves
him.
And I want to share my
knowledge with you, so that you may be spared the heartache associated with
a breakup in a narcissistic-based
relationship.
If you want to read about this man ... and really
learn all about everything
you
have been through, plus get real explanations to why you feel the way you
do, then you must read on.
The secrets about him I am about to share with
you will reveal the answers to your many questions and bring you to a better
place and peace of mind.
Answers like...
-
why he treats you like 'The Enemy'
-
what are the histrionic and narcissism disorder
signs and how can you recognize them
-
why any argument with him always leads to him
being the 'damaged party ' and you feeling beaten without ever having even
opened your mouth
-
why, even after you have left him, you still
hurt instead of feeling good to finally be rid of all the pain caused by
his antisocial behavior disorder or by his narcissism
-
why he hates everything you like - from your
music preference and perfume, to your friends and pets
-
why he disagrees with any of your choices, opinions,
or beliefs
-
how he truly feels about you, and why it matters
to you so much
-
who the Toxic Narcissist is, and how to recognize
which type of the Nine Types of Toxic Narcissists your man is (Yes, they
are not all alike!)
-
why Narcissists are rarely faithful, and why
it has nothing to do with you
-
what to expect in and after the breakup
-
why he has distorted views of you
-
why he never will be able to take responsibility
for anything
-
how people who know him really feel about him,
and why
-
why you went from his 'partner' to his 'rival'
- almost overnight
-
what the "Three A's" are that motivate the
narcissist and how they influenced your relationship with him
-
how to recover - really recover - from the worst
nightmare of your life, loving and leaving a narcissist or sociopath
-
why he 'demonizes' and 'devalues' you
-
why, when you are around him, you behave in
a manner that is totally unlike your normal, beautiful self
-
recognizing the symptoms and learning the definitions
of Histrionics and Narcissism
-
how to survive a narcissist
-
narcissistic personality disorder, traits, and
behavior in men
-
signs and traits of a narcissist relationship
and a histrionic relationship
Sounds to good to be
true?
It's not! You will get the answers you need to finally find some peace
in your life ... Something that is probably long over due if you have been
with anyone who has narcissism!
"Imagine
a pair of binoculars. The narcissist sees his self through the magnified
side, and the rest of the world through the small, insignificant side. He
is so self-absorbed that people outside of him only have importance as long
as they are feeding his blown up self-image. Ironically, he is never ever
worshipped or adored anywhere near what he thinks he is.
Most people find this man to be pompous, self-centered, boisterous, conceited,
and pretentious. With extreme emphasis on the pretentious part! His fantasies
of being the best, smartest, most talented, most loved and most popular are
- most assuredly - all in his head. He is a legend in his own mind, and the
importance of you last only as long as you haven't discovered the real man
inside. Once you have he knows his fake gig (with you) is up and so then
are you. He doesn't want to have to face - or even acknowledge his real self
- so he will dump you like toxic waste and move on, rabidly seeking a new
audience for his displays of grandiosity." |
Yes, there is nothing real about this man!
| "It can
be completely unnerving to see this beautiful public persona become a creature
from Hades once alone outside of ear and eye shot of everyone else. His roughshod
treatment of you causes many an ugly scene from your play as you act out
in self-defense; act crazy from the confusion of loving the fake persona
and feeling the rejection and contempt from him.
Or you may simply hold
it all inside, becoming quiet and depressed while feeling your self-esteem
plummet as you take direct ownership over the mean treatment and comments
doled out to you by the narcissist. The inner emotional pain and confusion
can only be topped by the blatant way he can control those around him into
thinking he is right, wonderful, and 'standing in the light of truth'...nothing
could be further from the truth, though, but your untrained eye cannot see
this." |
The sociopath and the narcissistic ex continually
acts in abusive, bewildering and confusing ways. He is not above committing
destructive acts. When the breakup becomes a reality, it is likely that
his 'false persona' will completely disappear all together and you will most
likely experience the most hurtful of behavior from him. He is completely
lacking in empathy, and - since he is not receiving any admiration from
you anymore - he will dismiss you and discard you as worthless to him,
consequently dropping any fake front that he use to put up in order
to keep you in the relationship.
"Narcissists become particularly shameless
during a divorce. They accuse the other spouse of neglecting the children
when the reverse is true. They hide their assets long before the formal divorce
proceedings begin. They lie about their net worth so they don't have to part
with alimony or child support. Some narcissists, both male and female, abandon
their families all together and start new lives with more attractive, adoring
and compliant partners. Leaving the previous spouse and children in a state
of financial and psychological chaos is of no consequence to them. Many
narcissists repeat these egregious patterns of behavior throughout their
lives without shame or regret." ~ Linda Martinez-Lewi Ph.D.
TABLE
OF CONTENTS
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and sociopath in a relationship support - How to break up with a
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Breaking up with a sociopathic narcissist? Be prepared
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