A Rape of the Heart
This article will be different from most I write
because it's a warning, especially for women, to exercise the utmost caution
when forming any kind of relationship online. The internet is an exciting
and vibrant source of information, entertainment and communication.
But, as weve all heard, it has its dark
side also. The number and variations of online predators staggers the
imagination. The web is the perfect vehicle to prey upon the innocence of
others. Now get this..Im NOT talking about children.
Im warning you about online adults who
target other adults. Cyberpaths. Their goals can vary from swindling you
out of your money, trying to talk you into all sorts of schemes, but the
vast majority is after sex and/or power, plain and simple.
Oh, you wouldnt be fooled by someone online,
would you? You couldnt possibly be stupid enough to fall for their
manipulations, right? You are dead wrong!
Statistics tell us that approximately 1 out
of 20 people we interact with have, on some level that is destructive, sociopath
tendencies. Im sure youve heard that serial killers are sociopaths,
and that is true to the extreme. Naturally, there are different levels of
dysfunction, just as there are different levels of, say, depression.
The predators I speak of are
Sociopath-Lite, for lack of a better term. These people have
a seared conscience and they view other people as objects to manipulate to
get what they want. Most of them are narcissists, and will use you to fulfill
what is called, narcissistic supply.
Narcissistic Supply is the term for what these
people are addicted to. It is not alcohol or drugs, or even sex per se. They
need your adoration, admiration, attention and time and the appetite for
this supply is insatiable as they are basically emotional black holes, sucking
your love and energy into themselves to try to satisfy the emptiness inside
their souls. They truly are the walking dead. This emptiness is so profound
and permanent that they are rarely helped by any kind of therapy, because
they are so used to acting rather than actually being who they really are.
They refuse to lower their guard and let others know their real
Breaking up with a sociopath narcissist? Be prepared for the battle
of your life! While you are an emotional basketcase, he is as Cold as Ice!
While you are left holding down the fort and dealing with the real-life
responsibilities, he walks away from everything leaving you to mop off
his stage and pay his bills. He will punish you in ways you couldn't possibly
have ever imagined...
even acknowledge it to himself! Why? Because he's off charming the socks
off of new women as if your years together didn't even
narcissistic ex continually acts in abusive, bewildering and confusing
ways. He is not above committing destructive acts. When the breakup
becomes a reality, it is likely that his 'false persona' will completely
disappear all together and you will most likely experience the most hurtful
of behavior from him. He is completely lacking in empathy, and - since he
is not receiving any admiration from you anymore - he will dismiss you
and discard you as worthless to him, consequently dropping any fake
front that he use to put up in order to keep you in the relationship.
Click here to read 'The Counterfeit
Heart: Breaking Up With a Narcissist - the Sociopath in Your Life' by
This emotional deformity is usually the result
of profound abuse, emotional trauma or neglect from a primary caretaker,
even as early as infancy. They learned early on to mimic the kind of person
the caretakers seemed to want in order to survive. In the process, they discard
and despise their true selves and manufacture a false self that they present
to the world.
Sad? Yes, absolutely. However, these folks are
usually so full of rage that they quickly learn how to channel and use the
anger in a meaningful way; the ability to expertly manipulate and ultimately
emotionally injure others which makes them feel superior and powerful. This
way, they feel theyre in control and cannot be hurt again. They turn
into an abuser. A narcissist with sociopaths tendencies is a very dangerous
person indeed; the proverbial wolf in sheeps clothing. They are constantly
on the prowl for new sources of supply and can sense a potential
victim almost immediately, even the first time they meet the individual.
Lets pause for a moment to examine the
perfect victim of these monsters. Most people grow up in relatively normal
homes where love, affection and truth were modeled. These future victims
were taught to be courteous, trusting and compassionate and in the normal
course of their lives, have personally encountered nothing untoward that
would change their view of the world and the strangers they meet. Theyve
heard of evil people on the news and have seen them depicted in movies but
have never actually crossed paths with one. In other words, theyre
These victims are not stupid or thickheaded.
They should be able to basically trust in the goodness of others. They practice
the golden rule and simply assume others do the same. They are naïve
but once they encounter and comprehend the evil that truly exists out
there, their lives are forever altered and their innocence
When the narcissist/sociopath targets a victim,
they immediately begin to idealize and over-value this new source of
supply. They are gifted actors, having presented their false
self for so many years, and are able to expertly simulate emotions as they
bond with the victim. They are attracted, curious, and deeply
interested in the source and begin a process of courting or grooming the
victim. They are incredibly charming and present themselves to be a deep,
passionate person capable of loving or of being hurt. They appear to be
empathetic and caring but all of these signs are the sheeps clothing
of the narcissist.
Naturally, the victim falls head over heels
in love with the mirage or false self the narcissist projects and they completely
buy into the lies they are told.
The narcissists seemingly genuine immersion
and exaggerated high regard for the source is extremely alluring to the victim.
It makes them feel safe, loved and admired. The narcissist showers them with
attention and they are so convincing theyre all but impossible to resist
when they are on the hunt for a source of supply.
However, and this is what you must understand,
once the victim is completely hooked and emotionally enmeshed, the narcissist
begins to deplete them of their supply like a vampire drinks
the blood of his victim. This begins to manifest itself by the narcissist
toying and playing head games with the source.
Theyll deny saying certain things the
victim knows they said; they woo seductively and then turn cold and angry
causing the source to come running to apologize for some supposed transgression.
They are covertly condescending to the source while continuing to rely on
their advice. They play with the source like a deep-sea fisherman reels in
a sailfish and then lets the line go slack, back and forth until the fish
exhausts itself. When the narcissist senses the sources supply is depleted
or is threatened, the narcissist instantaneously and abruptly loses all interest
in the victim. To them, the victim no longer exists and is thrown away like
a piece of trash.
Of course, to be idealized one minute and totally
devalued the next is utterly incomprehensible to the victim. Normal people
do not treat others this way. It is a mind bending experience that leaves
the victim questioning their self worth, judgment and sanity not to mention
having to grapple with the extreme grief of suddenly losing what seemed to
be a perfect relationship. There is a term for what a narcissist/sociopath
does to his victims. It is called emotional rape. It is the systematic and
deliberate abuse of a persons higher emotions without their consent.
The victim fully trusts the alluring false self that is presented to them
and is made to feel emotions and bonding for the express purpose of being
used and discarded. When they give the narcissist the privilege of looking
into their soul they never dreamed that intimacy would be abused.
The narcissist feels no true emotions. They
are incapable. The love they feel for the source disappears
immediately when the victims usefulness runs its course or when a seemingly
better qualified source of supply is noticed. They are able to go their merry
way without the encumbrance of guilt or remorse.
Being a tender human being, the victim usually
grieves and misses the relationship for quite some time. The loss is devastating
and they can get very depressed, blame themselves, obsess about contacting
the narcissist, feel like theyre going crazy, and experience many other
emotional manifestations that physical rape victims endure. The emotional
roller coaster is so horrific that some victims even display symptoms of
post traumatic stress syndrome.
Its shocking and disgusting how many
narcissists automatically gravitate towards positions of power, i.e., the
military, pastors, counselors, Bible teachers, CEOs, school teachers,
physicians, etc. Once they spot a potential source, they misuse their authority
to attract and control the victim. Again, the internet is the perfect place
for these creatures to troll for sources of supply. They expertly navigate
chat rooms, looking for vulnerable, lonely women. They set up websites that
offer advice or counseling for every kind of loss. They present themselves
as warm, caring and compassionate and appear to be extremely attractive.
The narcissist/sociopath exploits and then
completely rejects his victims. The most bizarre aspect of this
person is there little to no malice involved. He views people
as things to be used. The same way we feel neither hate nor love for a garden
hose, he feels the same about other people. Absolutely nothing.